Think back to a time when a situation was out of your control. How did you handle it? Did you deny and resit what was happening, or did you accept it, even if you didn’t like it? How did that go for you? Personally I’ve done both and I must say that second approach, radical acceptance, caused me a lot less pain and suffering. Let me explain.
What is Radical Acceptance?
Radical Acceptance is a core concept in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) that involves fully accepting reality as it is, without trying to change it, deny it, or resist it. It's about acknowledging the present moment and the facts of a situation without adding judgments or wishes for things to be different. This doesn't mean you approve of the situation or agree with it, but rather that you accept it as it is, which can reduce emotional suffering.
Why Radically Accept?
Radically accepting reality can help reduce suffering caused by trying to fight against or deny the reality of a situation. It allows individuals to conserve their emotional energy and focus on what can be changed or how to cope effectively with what cannot be changed. Radical Acceptance can prevent prolonged distress and help people move forward, even in the face of difficult circumstances. It’s especially useful when facing situations where there is no easy solution or immediate way out, such as chronic illness, loss, or trauma.
Check out this video that talks about how radical acceptance reduces our suffering:
How to Practice Radical Acceptance:
Observe that you are questioning or fighting reality. Recognize when you are resisting what is happening.
Remind yourself that reality cannot be changed. Acknowledge that certain facts are beyond your control.
Acknowledge the causes of reality. Reflect on what events, actions, or conditions led to this moment.
Practice accepting with your whole self. Use your mind, heart, and body to fully embrace the reality.
List all the ways you have been fighting reality. Identify specific thoughts, behaviors, and feelings that show resistance.
Notice the emotions that come with acceptance. Allow yourself to feel any emotions that arise when you stop fighting reality.
Practice mindfulness of your body. Pay attention to where you might be holding tension or resistance physically.
Use self-talk to reassure yourself. Remind yourself that you can accept reality without liking it.
Turn the mind towards acceptance. Make a conscious decision to choose acceptance in this moment.
Practice willingness. Be willing to experience your feelings and accept reality as it is, even if it’s uncomfortable.
This video helps further explain radical acceptance and how to practice it:
Radical Acceptance is a powerful tool for reducing suffering and moving forward in difficult situations. By embracing the reality of the present moment, individuals can learn to cope more effectively with life's challenges and find peace, even in the midst of pain.
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